So I'm entering this yarn contest because I loves me some yarn! If you would like to enter the address is here: http://knitwitchblog.blogspot.com/2008/07/contest-time-again.html

...should be fun...will be back on the 21st...luckily I'm going with people I like...rather than my family who aren't all that interested in camping anymore...hotels and internet access seem to suit them better :P I'm sure by the end of this I will definitely be craving a hot shower, unless they have quarter showers there :) Other than that, it will be nice to get away from the norm for a few days and get back to nature a bit.

So I just looked at my brother's myspace page. For the record this kid is 15, going on 16 in July. He has a green bacground with a red and yellow insignia that says "Communism For Our Future!" Oh my fucking goodness. What bullshit is this kid reading? Ok I have nothing against communism...I think it would work great in theory...but it is not plausible with our society and with human nature. He should go live in a communist society if he thinks it's so great. Hmm...maybe I'll suggest that to him. If people weren't so corrupt, I'm sure it would work better...although with our corruptness it doesn't seem like any government works well. *cough* democracy *cough* But hey, that's just my opinion. After all, what the hell do I know? I'm just some ignorant 22 year old community college student. So I challenge anyone out there reading this: enlighten me so that I may pass on your wisdom to my brother...or if he's right, then I shall keep my trap shut about it to him and just let him live in his happy little bubble.

I can't believe he thinks communism is the answer to our problems...and he thinks he'd be a great politician. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG that's so funny....yeah 15 year old stoners make GREAT politicians...especially when they can't get decent grades in high school. Geeze...I hope I see him this weekend so I can set his dumbass straight(that is, if I'm correct of course).

Ha. Yeah my former best friend bought a BRAND NEW 2009 Toyota Matrix instead of coming to my birthday party. She was the only one that I wanted there and she failed me big time...and she's done other things, but we've worked out our issues for the most part and are still friends, but I can never accept "I'm sorry" for that.

2001 Ford Focus, gold, ugly, but a fun car...that only lasted about 6 months and I totaled it by rear ending someone...about a month later I got my current car which is a black, awesome, 99 Ford Exploder Sport. I figured I stick with the Fords since I walked away from my wreck unscathed and the car looked like it had been a much serious crash...although for the next car I am thinking of expanding my horizons and getting something different.

So I have a research paper due on Wednesday and for the life of me I'm having the hardest time starting it! I just simply don't know how to start it. Grammar isn't a huge deal with this teacher, it just needs to be able to be read, but I'm still having trouble figuring out how to start it and how to write 5 pages double spaced on a subject I consider boring. Don't get me wrong, I love art, I just don't love writing about it. I have been procrastinating and procrastinating and it's getting harder and harder to figure out what to write. I have to do a comparison of 3 objects from two museums that my class went to(I only went to one but found pictures on the other museum's website that I plan to use). I found some horse figurines and am planning on comparing 3 of them since there are several that are very different from each other. I just can't start it. I don't even know if I'll be able to get 5 full pages of it. At least it's double spaced so that will be a little better. I'm just really frustrated with it.

My writing. I want to write a book and inspire people to read. I want to be able to take people away from their lives, even for an hour or two, and transport them to another world and help them with their lives. In short, I want to change the world through the written word. It's a bit ambitious, but I will at least attempt it :)

...so on myspace one of my younger friends posted a bulletin saying how this weekend was lame and there was nothing to do so I messaged her back saying if she needed something to do, I have some lovely essays and a research paper she could write. She then posted another bulletin saying nevermind and how awesome this weekend was going to be lol. It just made me laugh cause her weekend is going to be better than mine.

So I went to the doctor yesterday because I have been sick since Monday and it was only getting worse. I thought they would diagnose me with bronchitis since that what it felt like. It turns out it was much worse than bronchitis. Apparently I have pneumonia. I've never had it before and it really really sucks. I'm glad I caught it before it got worse. So I'm stuck in bed for a few more days, until the antibiotics start kicking in. Good thing they gave me some codine cough syrup. It helps a lot. Oh and last night my fever spiked to 103! I told my boyfriend not to get me anything to bring it down because not only would I break out into a terrible sweat, I think the fever was helping kill some of the bacteria. I said just let the fever do it's job and I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up a few hours later, the fever had gone down and I felt better. Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I've been pretty much stuck in bed for the past 5 days and expect to be stuck here for a few more days. ugh..not fun...at least I have the internet :)

So i was bored, being sick and all and I found this on someone else's LJ. I thought it would be interesting to do. The results didn't really surprise me, nor my boyfriend who started laughing and saying, "That's so true, it's scary!" Funny thing is, this is my mom's generation and we aren't exactly alike, but eh I guess we're close enough. She's definitely less rebellious than me, except when it comes to fighting with my step dad...but that's a whole nother story.

You Belong in the Baby Boomer Generation

You fit in best with people born between 1943 and 1960. You are optimistic, rebellious, and even a little self centered. You still believe that you will change the world. You detest authority and rules. Deep down, you're a non conformist.

cleaning is a foreign thing to me. If you ever see my room and my car(although I do admit it's semi clean right now) you will understand. I'm sure at some point I'll get so fed up of not being able to walk through my room without stepping or tripping over stuff, but we'll see.

as for tips, shove everything in the closet. It's faster and people are impressed at your cleaning prowess...just don't offer to put their coats away. lol.

So i'm on my phone right now in the snow. It is currently snowing and i'm nice and warm inside waiting for my mom to get done skiing. I was skiing earlier but i got tired and i dont want to ski in the snow. Anyway i'll be here til sunday. I'm having fun so far!

I am envious that he is almost always happy...he doesn't worry about things and he gets along with everyone...except my only female friend that I still currently talk to...but she's crazy.  He's so outgoing and I wish I could be more like that.  He loves God more than anything and he's just an awesome person all around...I want to be more like him.

I don't want to be this negative depressed person.  I want to not tell people my depressing life story when I meet them.  I don't want to tell them how I had the most awful job in the world at one time and how evil Starbucks is.  I don't want people to think I'm just this black mass of negativity that will only suck the life out of them and smother them until they succumb.  I don't want to be this person anymore, yet I don't know how to change. 

Most of all I envy him that he cannot be depressed...sure he has been but he has an awesome ability to get out of it fast.  I want that ability.

...so I talked to my friend and basically I found out that people feel the same way about me on her side of things as people feel about her on my side of things.  They both think we are immature and selfish, etc.  That blew me away because I thought her mom would at least be on my side.  Whatever.  I also found out that none of her friends or anyone on her side likes my boyfriend for the most ridiculous reasons.  Apparently he comes off as a know it all when all his friends and everyone that knows him thinks that's crazy.  The whole thing is just stupid...I almost don't know why we are trying to continue the friendship.  I think my boyfriend and me and her and her boyfriend should get together and talk, but at this point my boyfriend has such and intense dislike for them that he doesn't even want to talk.  I don't know if I can be friends with someone that doesn't get along with my boyfriend, yet I'm still torn because she has been my longest friend I've had and I don't feel like I'm quite ready to break off the relationship.

One thing I've toyed with is the possibility of telling her we need to cut all communication for about a year and see where it goes from there.  I think we just need a clean break, no myspace, no texting...nothing.  I want to see if she realizes she has been taking me for granted.  Yes, I admit I was kind of a brat at her little get together and i shouldn't have let my feelings show so clearly.  I should have just sucked it up and tried to go with the flow.  Ugh.  I didn't want to at the moment though.  She had ruined enough of my life and I felt like it was payback time...I wish she had just scheduled a day where we sat down and talked before we went out with her friends so we could go over some things.

I just don't know what to do in this situation.  I'm still upset and hurting from the car thing although I think I'm slowly getting over it...I don't think I'll ever be fully over it, but maybe enough that things will be better for me.  I just feel like an emotional wreck all the time and not just because of this...although this has been a real blow to my self-esteem.  I've been having a lot of thoughts of worthlessness.  I feel like a failure as a friend even though I know I'm not.  I'm constantly depressed...especially because of all this but because of other things as well. 

I'm just so confused right now...my emotions have been all over the board, mostly in the negative...and this disturbs me.  I really don't want to ever be put on medication again, but if it gets bad enough where I can't function as a normal human being, then I may have to find some alternative medication to go on.

...oh things have not been good in la la land lately...stress, stress and more stress.  Not only did my "friend" go crazy and kick me out of her wedding because she's a selfish brat, she wants to talk about it and try to salvage the relationship.  This will probably culminate in me and her screaming at each other.  Ugh.  She's so irritating.  This kicking me out of the wedding and talking crap behind my back with her two best buddies is the last straw.  I'm not quite sure what to do.  One part of me wants to keep her as a friend and the other part wants to smash her car, which she bought instead of coming to my birthday party, to pieces.  Seriously, who does that?  The birthday thing, not the car thing...I'd love to do it, if it were legal.  So she's also alienated me from her boyfriend/finacee' which is fine because he is totally whipped and I don't want to be his stupid friend anyway, and probably told her mom, whom I adore, a whole bunch of crap too.  I hope her mom sees through her filthy lies and puts her in her place.  I really am innocent in all of this.  Really.  I have done EVERYTHING for this girl.  She has been my best friend since 3rd grade and we were inseperable all through high school.  But she changed, and not for the better.  She's a flake and selfish and just downright rude to me.  It's sad because we've had such an awesome relationship in the past.  Oh well.  She only has herself to blame.  Sure, I've been a bad friend in the past, but she has no right to treat me the way she's been treating me lately.  It's totally unprovoked.  Although I was being kind of a butthead to her when we all went to go pick out bridesmaid dresses but I was trying to get the real her to come out and show her other little converts that she's not the good friend they think she is.  She's a snake.  Yesterday when I got her letter kicking me out of her wedding, I think I felt my blood literally boil.  I have never been so mad. 

All that aside, we'll see how Saturday goes...

In other news, I have a stupid Art History midterm tonight...I despise this class...it's quite boring...especially the book.  Math is boring too, but at least I'm understanding that a little better now.  I haven't really had time to do anything else this week except homework.  I think I'll go work on my knitting so I calm down and relax a bit before my midterm.

Ok so my former best friend, who is still my friend but totally annoys me has made a myspace for her and her future spouse titled Mrs. soandso.  WHAT?!  Nevermind that they both have myspaces of their own, she is such a stupid control freak that she has to create a myspace to update people with on their wedding...can't she do that on her own myspace?  I thought she was sooooo busy, too busy to hang out with me in fact.  So now she's gonna spend time on this new distraction when she could do the same exact thing on her main myspace.  This chick boggles my mind.  She gets more ridiculous the longer I know her.  Is it just me or does anyone else think this is stupid and pointless when she could just do the same thing with the myspace she already has?  

by writing a satire paper on food service, I shall post it on here when it's done...but I think it is quite good thus far. :)  Other than that, I'm not wearing green and I'm too poor to get drunk.  So I'm basically not doing anything :)

This was stolen from ying_ko_4 and the question asked from him was name something that gives you an incredible "high" and describe why.


For me this would be several things

• going to church
• hanging out with my church going friends(and very few of the non church going friends but I find I have way more fun with those I share a common belief)
• doing anything with my boyfriend.  He is my ultimate high.
• writing something really good and getting ANY feedback on it, which is usually only one comment from the person I stole this from, but hey, he leaves good comments ^_^
• horse back riding(which I haven't done in a while, but it is such an awesome experience.)
• finishing a good book
• finishing a project(knitting or otherwise)
• having an intellectual conversation with someone

I'm sure there are more, but I cannot possibly think of them right now, plus I need to stop procrastinating and get working on my satire paper.

hmmm...well recently I told my supposed best friend I thought her new car was the ugliest thing on the planet because of what she had to give up to get it which would be my birthday party...I also told my mom when I was younger and she had just got laid off that I was glad because then she'd spend more time with me...I believe she came after me and tried to slap me but I was too quick for her.  I regretted that one...I don't regret the one about my friends car.  I hate that thing.  

....how did I come to know such "emo"people?  I have at least 4 people that I know from high school who, if labled, would be labeled "emo".  Seriously, the only bulletins they post are about how fucked up their life is and how sad they are...blah blah blah...now I love these people to death and I do reach out to them, but it somewhat annoys me when they post another bulletin about how sad and terrible life is.  Yes, I've been there, but I've learned not to post every little tidbit of my unhappiness for the world to read.  Almost every day it's a new tragedy with them.  I've considered deleting them but I can't because they are my friends and they need me.  I understand myspace is a place to express yourself but sometimes I think some people should limit their depressing diatribes.  It really tends to bring me down sometimes.  I am a somewhat easily depressed person and always reading rants about how life sucks, etc just gets me down.  I start to think some of these are just cries for attention.  It's especially distressing when I try to help, yet a few days later or even the next day they are back at it again.  It's almost as if I'm wasting my time with them.  I've just pretty much stopped replying if I see a depressing bulletin or blog.  I can't help people that aren't willing to help themselves.

In other news, I'm working on my satire paper about fast food and I have an excellent start, I just don't know where to go from there.  On top of this, I learned my Art History mid term is this Wednesday.  Ugh.  I hate that class almost as much as I hate math.  I have to study for that, complete my essay AND go to the tutoring center sometime either monday or tuesday before math class on Tues since I have homework due that night.  ugh...I hate being a procrastinator...it's all my fault too.  On top of this, I have to go to keyboarding tomorrow morning(saturday), and a party tomorrow AND go to my mom's house for dinner.  Then on Sunday I have to go with my friend to pick out bridesmaid dresses...then in the evening go to church.  It seems like Karma or something is telling me I need to not procrastinate anymore.  Ugh...but video games are soooo addicting.  It seems that since I've put off some really important things, I now have no time to do anything else...by the grace of God maybe I will get at least the essay and the studying done...hopefully I'll get the homework for math done...actually the math would be more important...I can wing some of the midterm.  Luckily all of my teachers are pretty lenient on their grading so I might actually pass some of these classes with at least a C...or maybe I'm more delusional than I thought...either way, wish me luck!